“Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being redirected to something better.” This quote is so true but rejection still hurts. It can really derail a person’s emotions and some people have a hard time recovering.

When you work really hard for something and you don’t get picked for the job, project, relationship, etc it can really leave lingering emotions that are hard to get through. I have experienced this many times in my work and my career. Every time I submit a new blog, I fear rejection that people won’t read it or like it!

As I have written about in the past, I’m currently in a program learning about Positive Intelligence(PQ) by Shirzad Chamine. I have learned how we can use our PQ brain to help us through these challenges. Being in sales is one example where you can be rejected many times, but in order to be successful you need to learn how to recover from it quickly.

When we get rejected it exposes our saboteurs and we begin to judge ourselves and the people who have rejected us. Our saboteurs which are our inner judge leads us to negative emotions. If we stay in this state, we will continue to be angry and upset.

How can we turn the rejection into an opportunity? Shirzad speaks about our Sage as “representing the deeper and wiser part of you”. Our Sage weakens our saboteurs by allowing us to rise above the lies that our saboteurs are telling us. When you use your Sage powers, you accept what is and learn from it. Here are the 5 Sage Powers and how they help us get through rejection —

1. Empathize - if we empathize with ourselves rather than beat ourselves up over our failure, it can help us turn the negative emotions around faster. This is really helpful because if your rejection happens while you’re working and you have to show up to a meeting, you don’t want your negative emotions coming through. It’s also be helpful to empathize with the person who rejected you as it softens the negative feelings you have for them. Shirzad suggests visualizing the person as a child to increase empathy towards them.

2. Explore-Before you get really angry, you should explore the reasons why you were rejected. Ask questions first to understand why the rejection happened. Did the hiring firm need someone with more experience ? Or did your boss think you were too busy to do another project? Once you make the exploration, it helps you turn the rejection into an opportunity.

3. Innovate - when you innovate, you come up with ideas on how to move forward. This helps you get past the rejection and move on to the next client, sale or relationship. Think of ideas on how you can do things differently in the future.

4. Navigate - Determine the next steps you need to take. Envision where you want to be at the end of your life — what is meaningful and brings value and purpose into your life. Think about the legacy you want to leave at the end of you life — it makes you think about what is really important.

5. Activate - Take the action to get you to your next steps. It may be calling the client back to see if you have another shot at the sale. It may be that you have decided to forgive the person that has rejected you but still seek your compensation. When you move into the Sage Activate mode, you will seek compensation without anger or bitterness. For example, you may reach out to the hiring manager after you were told you didn’t get the job and thank them for their time, but you can ask them if they can give you any feedback as to why you weren’t hired. This is a learning opportunity.

I used these steps recently to get past a rejection. It has been so helpful to me and I can see the difference in how quickly my emotions were turned around to the positive. Of course, we get down when it first happens, but don’t let yourself stay in the negative emotion. It only hurts you and slows down your productivity. If you can turn it around quickly, you will be happier which can ultimately lead to success in the end.

Learn more about enhancing your PQ muscles by getting your PQ Score-

https://www.positiveintelligence.com/pq-score/

If you are interested in learning more about Positive Intelligence, please email me.

Here’s to your success!

Best,
Rene